


This Year I'm Thankful For...

by notmyyacht



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drunk!Barba, Fluff, M/M, Post-"Depravity Standard", Thanksgiving, The socks are symbolic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 11:32:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5289104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notmyyacht/pseuds/notmyyacht
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Early Thanksgiving morning Barba shows up drunk at Sonny's door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ...His Hospitality

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a mess, but I hope it's an entertaining mess. Completely unbeta'd. Enjoy!

It's 3am on Thanksgiving morning and Rafael Barba has nothing to be thankful for this year.

It's 3am on Thanksgiving morning and Rafael Barba is drunk and pounding on what he thinks is Benson's apartment door.

 _Softly_ , he scolds himself, _don't want to wake the baby..._

Only, it's not Olivia Benson who bleary-eyed opens the door and winces at the bright hallway light.

"Counselor?" Sonny Carisi yawns and rubs his eye.

Barba curses in Spanish under his breath -or what he intends to be under his breath- and tries to inconspicuously turn away from the confused detective.

"S-Sorry I thought you were Liv," he explains, making a beeline down the short corridor. Sonny steps further out the door.

"Benson doesn't live in my building."

Barba finally stops in front of the stairs and stares at them a moment.

"I know," he says, straightening his posture. He holds his chin up and attempts to make a cool turn. Instead, Barba stumbles, his toe catching on his heel. He manages to grab onto the stairway banister to keep from falling. Sonny watches as Barba straightens up again, trying to be convincing that he's sober.

"Then how come you're at my place?" Sonny asks.

Barba stares at him a moment. He had wondered why the building looked different when the cab dropped him off. Barba runs the moment over in his head again. He couldn't have given Carisi's address, could he?

Before he's realizing what's happening, Sonny's by his side and telling him to let go of the railing.

"Just let go of it. Let's get you inside. Jesus, Barba why aren't you wearing a coat? You're freezing."

But Barba doesn't care what Sonny has to say about the way he dresses. Why won't Sonny let go of his shoulders? Where's he taking him?

Sonny manages to guide Barba into his warm apartment.

"Carisssi," Barba slurs, "let me go home."

"Okay, counselor, I'll take you home. But let me get some shoes on first. Wait here," said Sonny. Barba grabs his sleeve before he can leave though.

"I can walk. I know the way," he says, turning to leave again.

"No! Nonono, Barba." Sonny grabs him by the shoulders again and guides him over to his couch. "You're not going anywhere in that condition, especially alone."

"It's not as far as you think," Barba argues, settling back against the cushions. He smiles. "Comfy."

Within moments Barba is asleep. Sonny stands there both unsure of what to do and happy Barba is there. He runs to the bedroom to grab an extra blanket. When he returns to the living room, he discovers Barba has slumped awkwardly in his spot.

Sonny shakes his head and puts down the blanket to kneel at the edge of the couch. He pulls off Barba's shoes, fondly smirking at the polka dot socks. Fuck, Barba's feet are freezing. Sonny still couldn't believe Barba was outside as long as he must have been, without a coat. Probably either came from a bar where he left his coat or he got drunk in his own home and decided to go visit Benson in the middle of the night, and just forgot to grab it. Either way, Barba was cold to the touch all over.

Sonny leaves Barba's socks on as he started massaging his cold feet between his hands. God, he is so glad Barba was out. Never ever would he _ever_ mention this to him. This isn't exactly what Sonny had in mind when he pictured Barba visiting his apartment for the first time. Or maybe it was, but not in this context.

Satisfied Barba's feet at least have blood flowing in them again, Sonny stands up and grabs the blanket.

"Here you go," he says, draping it over Barba. There's still a hint of a smile on Barba's face when Sonny turns out the light.


	2. ...His Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There is vomiting in this chapter!

It's 5:01 on Thanksgiving morning and Sonny Carisi is awakened by some unpleasant, wet gagging sounds -the unmistakable echo off the bathroom walls of vomiting.

Barba is up and no longer snuggled warm on the couch where Sonny left him not two hours ago. Sonny softly groans and forces himself to get up. He thanks his lucky stars that Barba was able to make it to the toilet before spewing.

The bathroom door is wide open and Sonny immediately recognizes the finely dressed Barba hunched over the toilet, fingers white knuckling the porcelain, his shirt soaked with sweat.

"You need any help?" Sonny asks. He can almost hear Barba rolling his eyes at him.

"No, thank you. I'm fine," Barba replies, not sound nearly as authoritative as he probably hoped. In fact, he's still slurring a bit. Sonny walks into the bathroom anyway. He bends over Barba and rests a hand on Barba's back. He expects Barba to tense up and push him away. Instead, Barba relaxes. Sonny takes it as a good sign and starts to gently rub Barba's back. A shiver runs through the older man and then he's hunching over the toilet bowl again.

Sonny wrinkles his nose at the sounds and the smell that almost make him gag, himself. He stands his ground and pats Barba's back.

"Yeah, there you go. Let it all out. Jesus, counselor, how much did you drink?"

Barba spits then slumps back onto his heels and groans in reply. Sonny can't help but notice Barba's missing one of his bright red and white polka dot socks. He feels a twinge of guilt for the bathroom floor being so damn cold. Sonny's hand travels up and starts massaging the nape of Barba's neck. Barba sighs and relaxes again.

After a few minutes of silence, Barba leans forward and flushes the toilet.

"I think I'm good, for now," he says, his voice shaky and exhausted. Sonny nods and helps him to his feet.

 

Barba chugs two glasses of water before he says anything again. He has returned to his place on the couch, curled up with a blanket around his shoulders and a half-full third glass of water on the coffee table in front of him. He settles back against the cushions, eyes closed and brow knit.

"It wasn't about the case," he says to Sonny, who's sitting in the dark green, cushioned chair to Barba's left. Barba doesn't sound drunk anymore, but his head is still swimming and he considers himself legally drunk enough to open his mouth in front of Sonny Carisi.

" _Nothin'_ to do with the case." he says, lazily waving his hand through the air. "It's just been a tough year, y'know?"

Barba forces a smile and Sonny's heart aches at the sight. How much shit goes on in this man's life that he keeps from the world? Sonny always figured Barba was a man whose life revolved around his work. A shitty job to choose for that; the things they have to see and deal with... Sonny could never let it take over his life like that. It would be too much. Having to deal with that along with anything happening in his personal life.

In that moment, Sonny realizes something. He knows nothing about Barba's personal life. Maybe it wasn't about being married to work. Maybe Barba...

His thoughts are interrupted by a hollow, humorless laugh. Barba looks at him, empty chuckles quickly dying down.

"You have Thanksgiving plans, Carisi? Of course you do. You have a nice, big Italian family right? First Thanksgiving for your niece, right?" Barba's voice drips with bitterness. He glares directly at Sonny, leaving no room for Sonny to reply, he just lays it on. "Big family, parents that are so fucking proud of their son. The detective-slash-lawyer to-be. What are you thankful for this year Detective Carisi? Your niece? The fact you haven't transferred to another precinct? That you've found a second home at SVU?"

Barba pauses only for a second, his dizzy brain trying to keep up with his mouth. It's just enough for Sonny to get a word in.

"I'm thankful I've been given the opportunity to work with you," Sonny says with a small smile. "As rough as that trial was, it was a blessing getting to shadow you."

Barba chuckles again.

"Kissing up to me again? Is that all you fucking do?" he sneers.

Sonny shakes his head slightly. He should have guessed drunk Barba had two settings: giggly and bitchy.

"Being mean towards others again? Is that all _you_ do?" he shoots back with less maliciousness in his intent.

Barba rolls his eyes and looks directly ahead.

"It's why I don't have close friends, Carisi. Liv is the closest thing I have to a best friend anymore. I used to have a few, but those friendships were tarnished. One was wrecked because I don't have the guts to look him in the eye anymore..." Barba shrugs and continues, "or maybe he can't look _me_ in the eye anymore. Either way, he and I barely speak anymore."

"Why are you telling me this?" Sonny asked.

"Because I'm drunk... because I lost my Abuela earlier this year and it was my fault. Because it's Thanksgiving and I have nothing to be thankful for. It's been a shitty year. I'm telling you this because you're there," Barba blinks a couple times then finally looks Sonny in the eye, "because I know you care and I'm taking advantage of it."


	3. ...His Consideration

It's 8:16 on Thanksgiving morning and Sonny Carisi has made an important decision.

This isn't how he ever imagined Barba sleeping at his place would be like. In his fantasies, he would be on the couch with Barba making out. Not holding Barba as he shook with drunken sobs. In his fantasies, Barba wouldn't be in his bed simply because it was more comfortable and it was closer to the bathroom. In his fantasies, Barba and Sonny would share secrets they've never told anyone, proclaim that they've stolen glances at work when the other wasn't looking.

Sonny had supposed it wasn't a secret, but maybe he never let himself think it. Barba hates him. The conversation that had ended in Barba breaking down, causing Sonny to leave his spot in the chair. He had wrapped his arms as Barba cried into his lap. Sonny had placed a hand on his back and rubbed slow circles along Barba's spine. Within minutes, Barba had relaxed under his touch once again and fell asleep.

Barba hates him. He was seeking out Benson last night, his 'only friend,' not Sonny. But he came there, and Sonny was here. Alcohol can only be blamed for so much, but what Barba was saying was honest. Barba wouldn't lie about that. He was taking advantage of Sonny, and the truth was that Sonny was glad of it.

Several hours later, Sonny sips coffee from his favorite red mug and pulls a blanket tighter around his shoulders. He stares down at the phone on his table.

 _Yes, this is the right decision_ , he thinks as he scoops the phone up and flips to his contacts.

 

Nearly two hours later, Barba finally drags himself out of an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar apartment. He glances around the room, putting the pieces together. Someone had been kind enough to close the blinds, but it only made trying to indentify Barba's location the more tougher. His tired gaze then falls on the detective's badge on the bedside table and everything clicks.

His eyes widen, the past ten hours flooding back to him in a rush. Showing up on Carisi's doorstep, waking up and stumbling to a bathroom, a gentle hand on his back, the conversation with Sonny... _"Because I know you care and I'm taking advantage of it."_

Barba pinches the bridge of his nose. Jesus why the hell did Sonny let him stay after he said that?

 _Because it's Carisi_ , he reminds himself. Puppy dog Carisi; attention-seeking and blunt to a fault, but loyal.

Barba emerges from the bathroom, the pounding in his head a dull throb, and immediately finds Sonny sitting in his chair, tying his shoes.

"Going somewhere?" Barba asks.

"Yep," Sonny says, lowering his foot and standing. "Now that you're awake."

Barba imagines how completely opposite they must look right now. Sonny smiles, fully dressed, a beacon of positivity and alertness. Then there's Barba hungover with his hair a mess and one of his socks missing -no wait there it is on floor in front of the couch. A vague memory of Barba trying to take his own socks off sometime before throwing up flashes through his mind. He never finished taking them off. He's a fucking mess.

His brain finally processes what Sonny just said.

"Why? Where are we going? You kicking me out?" he says. Sonny's smile widens. _Ther_ e's that sober snark he's more familiar with. Much more pleasant than drunk Barba's bitter jabs.

"Not really. I just figured you would wanna clean yourself up before dinner," says Sonny before bending down to pick up Barba's long lost sock. He holds it out for Barba to take.

"Dinner?" Barba narrows his eyes at him.

"Yeah, I mean if you don't have any plans, which I doubt you do. I called my mom and asked if it would be okay if you joined us for Thanksgiving." Sonny's eyes sparkle with excitement.

Barba glares at him.

"You what!?" he snaps. Sonny rolls his eyes, but keeps his own voice calm.

"Look, you're under no obligation to. If you've got plans or if you just don't want to go, that's fine. But I want you to. I'm asking you now. Would you like to join the big Italian Carisi family for a big holiday dinner?"

Barba stares at him a moment, turning the proposal over in his head. His gaze falls on the sock Sonny is still holding up for him. Barba sighs and snatches it out of his hand.

"Alright. Why not?"


	4. ...That His Parents Like Me

It's 2:45pm on Thanksgiving and Barba is surrounded by crazy Italian-Americans, all ecstatic to meet him and are glad he could be joining them. And he thought Sonny was bad.

Sonny and Barba had brought rolls. That was Sonny's job, but it became both his and Barba's job. When Sonny hands them to his mother, Barba wishes he at least stopped to buy a bottle of wine or something. Sonny's mother just seems more than happy that Barba decided to join them at all.

Sonny's sister, Theresa, keeps winking at him and Barba would be uncomfortable if it didn't make Sonny stick closer to him.

"She's a maneater," he chuckles quietly to Barba.

Bella and Tommy are surprised but happy to see Barba there, though Bella keeps looking between him and Sonny. At one point she pulls Sonny into a corner to confront him.

"Is he here with you? Like, _with you_ with you?"

Sonny tells her it's not like that, but he doesn't tell her he's secretly pretending it is.

Bella and Sonny get Barba to hold the baby for a moment. Sonny's niece is thankfully incredibly giggly instead of screaming, but she drools on Barba's sweater relentlessly. Sonny takes the infant back before Barba blows a fuse.  

When it's time to eat, Theresa walks up to Barba and says, "Sit next to me, Rafael."

Barba opens his mouth to reluctantly accept, but then an arm hooks his. He turns to find that the arm belongs to Sonny. His eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"Not this one, Theresa," Sonny says with a smirk, "Besides, Mom wants him to sit next to her."

Theresa frowns.

"Ugh, Sonny you always get the good ones. Should've known he wasn't just a co-worker," she pouts.

Sonny rolls his eyes and tugs on Barba's arm, pulling him to a seat between him and his mother.

"Thanks," Barba whispers to Sonny as they sit.

"Don't mention it."


	5. ...His Love

It's 9:43pm on Thanksgiving and Rafael Barba is standing in Sonny Carisi's doorway for the second time that day.

Sonny had offered Barba a nightcap before they parted ways for the night. One last holiday drink before they returned to their lives, before they would see each other the following week and pretend the past 24 hours didn't happen.

"Stay a while," Sonny jokes, referring to the fact Barba is still wearing his coat. Barba simply nods and removes it.

They both sit on the couch, both nursing a Merlot. It's quiet, but not awkward. Barba realizes that he's relaxed, as if this were natural. He just had Thanksgiving dinner with a colleague's family and now he was at said colleague's home, completely comfortable... and _happy_. He was _happy_ with _Sonny Carisi_.

Sonny honestly wasn't that bad during the time he was shadowing him. He listened to Barba, brought up points that were relevant, put in more effort than was expected of him, he paid attention and learned.

Barba looks over at Sonny.

 _He could be a really good lawyer_ , Barba muses. Sonny catches his gaze and holds it.

 _He could be really good for you_ , says a voice in the back of Barba's mind.

"Do you hate me?"

The question brings Barba back to the present, reminding him of the things he had said much earlier in the day.

_"Because I know you care and I'm taking advantage of it."_

It was childish, Sonny's crush. Well, that's what Barba always told himself. It was something that would fade with time, or Sonny would get into a serious relationship and forget about it. Either way, it wasn't something Barba ever lingered on; it was just something he knew. A scrap of information about the detective that was up there with 'he's tall' and 'he goes to Fordham.'

Last night Barba had needed someone and that someone just happened to be the guy who likes him. Even after he admitted to taking advantage, Sonny only did more for him. He brought him to dinner. Barba didn't have to be alone for Thanksgiving because of him.

"Of course I don't," Barba finally replies. A smile spreads across Sonny's face. Barba smiles too.

Barba puts his wine glass down on the coffee table then inches closer to Sonny.

"I know I can be an ass, but what you did for me today..." Barba doesn't finish. He cuts himself off by leaning in and pressing his lips against Sonny's. It's a soft, warm kiss that makes Sonny melt. Barba pulls back, but doesn't put much space between them. He brings a hand up to trace his fingers along Sonny's jaw.

Sonny sighs at the touch. He wraps his free hand around Barba's. To his surprise, Barba gently squeezes it. They kiss again, both smiling against one another's lips.

In Sonny's fantasies, this isn't how they got together. He considers the various scenarios he always pictured and none of them came close.

 _This isn't a perfect start_ , Sonny thinks, _but it's definitely a good one._


	6. ...Another Chance

It's 11:57pm on Thanksgiving and Rafael Barba lies snuggled up to Sonny Carisi on Sonny's couch.

 _This is nice_ , he thinks. Barba hasn't had anything nice in a long time. He drifts off to sleep with a big dumb, smile on his face.

It's 11:57pm on Thanksgiving and Rafael Barba is thankful for Sonny Carisi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it folks! Hope you all liked this fic!! Happy Thanksgiving! <3


End file.
